Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
