Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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