Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
