I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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