its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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