like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
