If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize