Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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