I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
