so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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