he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
