I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
