I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
