So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
