Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
