She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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