Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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