He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
