so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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