Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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