if i can run in heels then i can drive
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
