Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
