Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
