So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
