is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
