he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
