tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
