Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
