6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
