i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
