The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize