Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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