I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
