Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
