Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
