seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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