I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
