well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
