Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
