Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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