I'm really into asian looking animals
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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