I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
