Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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