I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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