They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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