Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
