Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think i got beer on your cat.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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