apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket