i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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