omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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