does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
