wrigley field is MILF paradise
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
