I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
