Little spoons don't ask big questions
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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