The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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