So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
