Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
