I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
